I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
