The maid of honor just puked.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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