I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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