Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
