I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
