so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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