Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
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