I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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