and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
