angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
