despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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