just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
