Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
