the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
