And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
