So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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