the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
