I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
