Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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