Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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