I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
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