next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
