there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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