A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
