Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
