my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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