i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
