guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
