well I can't set my house on fire every night
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
