He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
