i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Where are you guys?
Drunk
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
