she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
