Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
