You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
