p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
