the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
