Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
