My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
