How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
