i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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