you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
