well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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