Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
