We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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