we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
