I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
