Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
