Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Girls should come with a carfax report
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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