fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
