Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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