best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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