it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
